


I Work Out

by kronette



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:12:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was my interpretation of the prompt: Cat/anyone, really</p>
<p>Male cats have barbed penises, but the Boys from the Dwarf don't strike me as the sort to have this as common knowledge. I would like to see a situation where this becomes an issue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Work Out

Rimmer wrinkled his nose as he strode into his quarters to find Cat asleep on Lister's bunk – again. 

"Does that moggy _have_ to sleep in here?" he whined to Lister, who had his feet propped up on the table, a fag dangling between his fingers as he sipped a beer. 

Lister pulled on the cigarette and blew the smoke toward him, a smirk gracing his features as Rimmer waved his hands frantically to dissipate the offending stench. 

Rimmer glared at him. "And how many times do I have to tell you to not smoke in here? It's against regs…" 

Lister's eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head as he flicked ash onto the floor. "I don't care about your smegging rules, Rimmer. It's my room and I'll do what I like." 

"It's my room, too," Rimmer huffed and deliberate sat across from his roommate. "And they're not _my_ regulations; they're Space Corps rules and they're there to protect us." 

Lister made a show of looking around. "Protect who? Me? You?" He snorted. "Get over it, man. It's two against one." 

Rimmer looked under the table in imitation of Lister's previous 'search'. "Who's the other one, the invisible man?" he snarked. 

"Me, Goalpost head." 

Both men turned to look at Cat as he stretched and rubbed his chest, purring as he stroked all six of his nipples. 

Rimmer's eyes widened, then slammed shut. "Put on a shirt," he demanded faintly. "It's too early to see that." 

"I know staring at all this perfection is too much for your ugly mug, but I'm not covering up because _you_ want me to," Cat huffed. 

Lister sent Cat a fond smile. "For me then, eh?" 

Cat grumbled under his breath, but pulled on an undershirt. "Just so you know, I'm doing this as a personal favor to you, Piston-Hips." 

Rimmer's eyes popped open as his mouth fell open in shock. " _What_ did you call him?" he shrieked. 

Lister was smirking the most epic smirk of his life as Cat explained, "Piston-Hips. You know, as in sex? Dude can _move_ when he's motivated." 

Lister waggled his eyebrows. "Yeah, and I'm very motivated when it comes to sex with Cat." 

Rimmer buried his face in his hands, moaning softly. "I'm not hearing this. I'm not. It's all a nightmare and when I wake up, everything will be normal." He peeked between his fingers, but Lister was still grinning like a mad man.

"Sorry, man. Cat needs his exercise, and, well, I volunteered to help him." Lister clucked his tongue in mock aggravation. "It's a chore, but someone has to do it." 

"Yeah," Cat chimed in. "He really knows how to drive into me so my ass muscles get a major workout. All that flexing keeps my bottom firm and tight!" 

Lister's eyes glazed over. "Yeah, all that flexing." 

Rimmer stood up abruptly. "I'll be in the hologram projection suite, erasing the last five minutes of my existence. I never, ever want to hear about what you two get up to in bed. EVER. Is that clear?" He glared at them both, his face a bit peaked, before storming out of his quarters. 

Lister turned to Cat and his grin widened. "Luckily we didn't tell him about your special needs." 

Cat gave him a sour look and repeated an old argument. "They wouldn't be special if you monkeys weren't so sensitive. It's not like it would hurt for long." 

Lister shuddered. "I'm not hurting _at all_ for sex with you, Cat. Either we continue on this way, or we stop having sex." 

Cat hissed but settled down. "Fine. But I want to increase my workouts. I don't think three times a day is enough. What about doing it five times a day?" 

Lister's dick gave a twitch. "Yeah, I think that'll work. When do you want the next session?" 

Cat pulled the shirt back over his head and stroked his chest. "How about now, Piston-Hips?" 

Lister grinned and flicked the last of his cigarette onto the floor.


End file.
